The main character from Noble Quest I Didn't Want To Go On Your Stupid Quest Anyway makes a short story appearance. In the first pages of the novel, he alludes to his theft of a corpse as, "...A long story. Maybe some other time." It turns out it's not that long.

Title: The Time I Stole A Corpse
Wordcount: 2,302
First five sentences:

I didn't actually intend to steal the corpse. What? I would have put it back if it hadn't caught on fire. Besides, if they didn't want anyone to steal it, they shouldn't have left it in a convenient pine box behind only one locked door, with an easily stolen wagon right outside. They might as well put up a sign that says, “Free corpse, you haul.”

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

108K as a bloated first draft. My guess is it'll lose 15K during editing. Said excision of my wordiness will commence soon... The ending is ugly and I want to fix it up, but I have to let it sit a few days before I can really rearrange it properly.

For now, I'm going to go stuff my face. To celebrate, I bought a big fat T-bone, which I will cover with mushrooms sauteéd in garlic.

108613 / 80000 words. 136% done!



...Fourth novel in a row that I've finished in one year or less. Whew. :)

100250 / 80000 words. 125% done!

TOO MUCH NOVEL.

6,224 words today. Two or three scenes left to go.

My Rainforest recap, with photos, is coming after I finish the novel. But look how close I am! (I'm so close I'm 14K past where I intended to be!)

94026 / 80000 words. 118% done!

Here's a 300-word excerpt from I Didn't Want To Go On Your Stupid Quest Anyway (working title):

I darted out as the two pirates were comically accusing each other of having lost the key. I couldn't have hoped for that to go better if I'd actually planned it.

I figured the mage had a cabin off the stateroom, like the captain. The screams had been muffled, but I was sure they'd come from astern. I only had ten feet to go across the deck, but it was right in the open, and there were thirty pirates lounging around, doing everything from whittling and drinking to actually sailing. I didn't have time to strategize—the other two were going to come up behind me any second. I'd just have to hope that they were all too busy, sleepy, or drunk to notice me make the short journey.

No such luck.

“Hey!” someone called sharply.

I threw one hand toward him and waved lazily. “Relax, they told me that dick in the red sash wants to talk to me. I'm sure he's going to kill me, so let's not make it take any longer, all right?”

Those within earshot watched warily, but they didn't try to stop me. After all, I was right about the mage probably killing me—why should they get in the way when he could clearly handle it on his own? I sauntered into the stateroom and held the door open a moment so that if Iziku was following, it could breeze in behind me.

After I shut it, I leaned against the wood-paneled wall and had about eight heart attacks.

Refreshed by the fact that I was probably already dead of panic and therefore had nothing left to lose, I looked up to find the mage and the captain staring at me. That couldn't have gone worse if I had actually planned it.

“Hi,” I said.

Also, I missed Weakly Story Club for the first time on Sunday, March 08, 2009. Still, I'm not going to let 1/10 turn into a worse statistic. There'll be some flash by this Sunday, AND a finished novel. (And then photos.)

It's flash again, but my excuse this week is my approaching Noble Quest deadline. I'm to the parts of the book that are usually easiest, but for some reason this project is struggling to get away, and it's using its teeth. >:|

Anyway, here is my Weakly entry. It's an expansion of a Story Ninjas prompt.

Title:The Last Pacific Club-footed Singing Sea Star
Wordcount: ~500
First line:

To My Colleagues, Since I Haven't Any Friends,

I almost forgot to post this because I was too buy staying up later than I ought for the last delicious pages of The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch.

Ladies and gentlemen and whatever else may be reading, I have a new favorite book.

...But they're awesome and I love them all.

Two hours ago, my story was longer than it is now, but it's about to get longer again, and much, much better.

How this happened in three points:

1. On Sunday, as usual I derided my abilities as a writer, and as usual my friends pulled knives and told me to STFU or else. (Well, not quite like that. But they've been known to have a low tolerance for what I consider a rational assessment of my skill level and what they consider useless self-deprecation.) Their resistance to my point, this time, forced me to explain myself...

I make things easy on my characters, and while I'm aware of it, it's difficult not to slip them treats under the table. I like them too much. I think a mark of truly amazing writers is a willingness to bring real darkness into their work, to take away everything a character has, some of it permanently. You can't gain skills just by doing terrible things to your characters, of course, but the ability to make the reader cry, "Oh, no!" is valuable indeed.

2. I had a logic flaw in Noble Quest (it appeared because this is a rewrite of a significantly different NaNo attempt, sharing a partial skeleton, some characters, and little else). I posed it to some writer friends, who uttered several suggestions, some easy to implement, some difficult, some impossible.

And now for the best one:

3. They, especially kehrli, advised me to force my characters to do the thing I wanted them to do by using ramifications greater than their own possible deaths. And so I solved the logic flaw while convincing myself that maybe I am a hardass after all.

No treats under the table for you guys, NQ cast. Just blood, guilt and desperation. >:)

75742 / 80000 words. 95% done! (which is a lie, since it's going to be longer than I thought)

There is a little dude in a stupid-looking hat who skulks around waiting for you to look away from a surface containing a clock. Then he sprints forth, sinks his little vampire teeth into the clock, and sucks out some time. You look up again, and two hours are gone.

And his sister is always sneaking around behind me. The seams in her bulging pockets are unraveling, so messes fall out every time she takes another step. But her real purpose isn't even to leave physical souvenirs--no, she digs in her pockets for the most random ideas, then actually winds up her pudgy little fist and chucks them into the back of my head. They lodge there amongst the hundreds of other things I planned to use my diminishing time for.

Little. Bastards.

(This post brought to you by the panic-inducing realization that I only have sixteen days to finish Noble Quest or I'll go over my year! The last several novels I wrote have been done in one year, and I don't want to break my record, especially when I could have had this mess done months ago if I wasn't so easily distracted.)

Noble Quest...
Words yesterday & the day before: 2,013
Words total: 50,014
Reason for stopping: I left my laptop at work and went to see Dark Knight.
Favorite:

And because there was a teeny tiny chance that I might lose a hand or two, I only stole half as much as I normally would.

Abusing my power: I let Perret be bilingual because it's funny. I am so afraid to take the Mary Sue test with him...
It's aliiive!: I let Perret be bilingual.
Embarrassment: I let Perret be bilingual.

50014 / 80000 words. 63% done!

Lies. There is no way I'm packing the entire last half of this book into 30K. Or is there?! DUN dun DUNNN!!!! Actually, I'm on fake-schedule if I write 1,875 words a day. I'm hoping that works. I always think my book is going to be the longest right before I hit the place where the action starts snowballing.

ETA: I couldn't stop myself. Here are Perret's test results (no, not for the clap, though clearly he should get checked for that, too):

30+ (I scored 32)
Fanfiction authors beware - Mary's on the loose. There's still a chance you can save this character with some TLC, though. Role-players and original fiction characters, you should also strongly consider giving your character a workover.

Hmm...NO :)

Happy birthday to spencimusprime, who challenged me during our mini-write-in (at which THIS incredible picture was taken) to write 50k before I stop for the day. Well, the day is bleeding into the tomorrow, and I'm about to pass out, but since I woke up this morning I've gone from 43,331 to:

48001 / 80000 words. 60% done!

Noble Quest...
Words today & yesterday: 4,653 (so far!)
Words total: 48,001
Reason for stopping: Alien abduction and uncomfortable probing. I guess they ran out of guys in John Deere hats.
Favorite:

The proprietor grew increasingly wary. He'd seen this routine before, when it was actually a routine instead of a tragic wight accident. I'd participated in it myself once or twice. We called it “Who Has The Rag?” and whichever one of us sneaked out last was stuck washing dishes and mucking stables until he'd paid everyone's tab.

Abusing my power: Where do I start?! I used a dead dragon as a bridge, I killed barnacles because I can, and I gave the MC cause to greatly rue his illiteracy. Also, seagull beaks stained with green blood.
It's aliiive!: I needed a monster, and a really awesome one just materialized. It's even related to an earlier event, so I foreshadowed it without meaning to!
Embarrassment: No amusing typos, but how about these photos from the park earlier?

Okay first of all, let me just stamp and scream for a few moments that I am not at the Clarion West party. I demand that everyone in attendance have an extra good time, and that after the party ends, the excess good-time-having be combined into the full-sized good time that I would have enjoyed had I been there. And then e-mailed to me. >:| I miss you all, and I know you miss my delightful hot pink trousers.

Now that I'm done tantruming,* let me share spencimusprime's ( hilarious critique of Noble Quest... )

I also could have stayed with the rest of my crit group and watched Tim Burton's Batman, but I intend to be productive. I will now channel my frustration and crybabiness** into wordcount: 46K, here I come!



* Now a word.

** Also now a word.