April 25th, 2008

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

So I was at this convention, and me and some friends were standing around in a hallway with some fuzzy little kittens that looked approximately like this:

"This should be a better world," a friend of mine said. "A more honest one, where sex isn't shameful or degrading. I wish this was the kind of world where you could just go, 'Wow, I'd like to touch myself right here, in public,' and people would understand that it's not a way of reducing yourself to a vulgar display, but rather a way of saying that I may not yet know your mind, but your body is beautiful, and there's too many kittens as it is."

Then another friend spoke up.

"You can touch yourself," she said to all of us in the hallway. "It's no big deal. Nobody spays their damn pets, so there's more kittens than there are Starbucks locations."

Now, you have to understand the way she said that, because it's the key to the whole project. The spirit of everything was formed within those nine words - and if she'd said them shyly, as though having to watch my onanation was something to be endured or afraid of, everything would have been different. But she didn't. Her words were loud and clearly audible to anyone who walked by, an offer made to friends and acquaintances alike.

Yet it wasn't a come-on, either. There wasn't that undertow of desperation of come on, touch yourself for me, I need you to validate my self-esteem and maybe we'll hook up later tonight. There was no promise of anything but a simple show, and the kitten that God would punish for it.

We all hung out in the hallway, and at first it was just me, and only one kitten exploded. But lo, the others gained their confidence - cupping our palms to touch the clothed swell of the place strangers are never supposed to touch you - and suddenly kittens were going off like firecrackers. God's fiery wrath struck again and again, bolts of fizzling blue lightning smiting every last miniature feline. They were the cutest of cats, worthy of being sacrificed.

And life seemed so much simpler. (And more covered in kitten slime.)

...If you don't know what this was about, you're such a lucky person. Let's go back in time and trade f-lists. :)